marriage

Sex With Your Spouse

Early this morning, as I lay in the aftermath of making love to my husband, holding his hand while listening to him snore, I thought to myself, “if sex could fix all of our problems, we’d be the perfect couple.”

Hold on.  Let me clarify that.

“If sex with your spouse  – the one you married under God’s eyes, for better or for worse, in good times and bad times – could fix all marital problems then we’d be the perfect couple; our marriage would be perfect.”  It would have the power to heal all our inner turmoil, our insecurities and everything that married people fight through, the good, the bad and the worse, and also the power to say “I’m sorry”.

I know those close to me whom I’ve confided in would be concerned that I still make love to my husband.  But the Bible says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7: 3-5).  Basically, there is no excuse to not engage in sex with your husband regularly unless one of you is experiencing physical illness or separation.

As I think about this, I refer back to “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian.  In this book she says, “For a wife, sex comes out of affection.  She doesn’t want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel angry, hurt, lonely, disappointed, overworked, unsupported, uncared for, or abandoned.  But for a husband, sex is pure need.  His eyes, ears, brain, and emotions get clouded if he doesn’t have that release.  He has trouble hearing anything his wife says or seeing what she needs when that area of his being is neglected.  Wives sometimes have it backwards.  They think, “We can have sex after we get these other issues settled.”  But actually there is a a far greater chance of settling the other issues if sex comes first.”

My biggest conundrum has been am I using sex as a means of performing my wifely duties to my husband or am I using it as a means of manipulation by giving it for selfish reasons?

What are your thoughts on this topic?

P.S.  Define physical illness!  Because headaches and tiredness definitely don’t count!  LOL

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3 thoughts on “Sex With Your Spouse

  1. Your question above puzzles me: “My biggest conundrum has been am I using sex as a means of performing my wifely duties to my husband or am I using it as a means of manipulation by giving it for selfish reasons?”

    Ideally, the wife would not be “using” sex for anything. Rather, she would be available to her husband and also initiate sex herself from time to time as she enjoys and desires the intimacy with her husband. Men are not solely driven by physical needs. Men feel love through sex more than most women realize.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ideally, you are correct. However, this was more of a self introspective question. If I am upset with my husband, as I have been a lot lately, I really don’t want to have sex with him until I’m happy with him again. That’s a form of manipulation. But I know that if I give it, especially when my heart isn’t into it because, hey, I’m upset with him, then chances are that I would get the outcome I desired from him. This would be another form of manipulation. So introspectively, am I being manipulative or am I being a good wife. 🤔

      But you also make a point that I was not aware of, which I will further consider, “Men feel love through sex more than most women realize.”

      Liked by 1 person

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